Sexual Expression, Sexual Oppression And Black Women In Church

For as long as I can remember I have always embraced and explored my sexuality. I have always gravitated towards spaces and people that allowed me to express my ideas of sexuality. What others defined as promiscuity; I called it just having fun. I am immune to the misogynistic systems and respectability politics that come with a black woman being extricated by traditonalism and I have never allowed women, but more specifically men, mislabel me or shame me for loving sex.

Let’s be clear I am sexually conscious and believe in pro-choice and the use of contraceptives with my partners; both past and present.

Recently I have noticed how sexually oppressed black women are in church. How do I know? Because I was one of “those” black women. We are not allowed to dialogue or explore our sexual desires aloud, and if so, we are quickly mislabeled and discarded as “jezebels” or “hoes”. Which may I add; I abhor. I’ve often been told to “not be passed around because you don’t want nobody talking bad about you” which is completely sexist and bias because when men are given the grace to explore their sexuality they are oftened admired for simply doing what’s natural.

I have always incorporated sexual expression to slide through the cracks of patriarchy to get what I want. While others called it “seducing” I simply internalized my acts as surviving in a society that doesn’t give me the same opportunities as white and black men so I might as well, in the words of my mother, “do what I gotta do!” But in real life, just making smart business moves. Ha!

The problem with church, in my opinion, is that it secretly despises black women who refuse to be sexually oppressed through doctrine or ideology. The moment a black woman awakens to self; she becomes a threat to the religious systems which were created to subdue her.

I know that I am often labeled as rumbustious because I share content that expresses my desires to be sexually stimulated by a black man and that I can achieve this stimulation by partners…plural. I know you think I’m some big ol’ hoe but I genuinely do not care because I will never be here to appease the male gaze. No man, outside or inside of a religious institution, has ever “charmed” me into sleeping with them. Again, my choice.

Although it is only written content; it still makes people uncomfortable. Why? Why does my sexual desires make you comfortable? Why should I be silenced by clergymen who indulge in the same acts that I do? If I wore an amice, alb, and cincture would I be able to express my sexuality in peace? Would it offend you then?

It’s rather absurd to assume that sexuality and promiscuity are synonyms or even interchangeable. Black women should be given space to explore the idealisms of sexuality and this space should also be granted inside church. Conversations, symposiums, and conferences should be created to discuss the sexualities of black women. I am not suggesting that we have sex parties, that is moronic to even conceive, however, black women, who are subscribed to christianity, that are patronizers of church, should be able to discuss what they need and want, sexually, without condemnation or the fear ostracization.

In conclusion I want church to start making the progressive steps it needs towards prioritizing conversations that are centered around black women’s sexuality and health. We should not be silenced for existing, exploring, or engaging in things that our counterparts in the “gospel” are freely able to do.

Let’s respectfully talk about sex.